Ryanscott's ☆

Everything is going wrong today. EVERY FUCKING THING. I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. JEEZ.

You know it’s like, it seems like you’re thinking too much, but actually you’re not. It just doesn’t make sense. TODAY don’t make sense at all. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.

That felt so much better. I don’t want it to be like this, and I don’t know what I can do now to make it better.

Deep Breaths.

I feel so cbdksutagvourfgyerkufb you know? Just sucks. I hope it gets better soon.

Peace. R

Mmmmm. Tonight I got mad. I got so angry at my ex-school mate. Cause I trusted her, and she took my sister clubbing. That’s fine and all but this time, she left her when she was passed out and her other 9 friends who are my friends from school called me and decided to help her. They are so so very nice. They are awesome.

It’s just this slut of the century. She sleeps with guys, and all that bullshit. I’m so glad that tonight I got to go to her house and woke her parents up. Even her OWN MOTHER said “ IT IS SUCH A SHAME TO HAVE HER. “ And whatever it is, my sister is safely home, all her things are with her and she’s absolutly fine, just really REALLY wasted. On the other hand I feel so sorry for the mother, she looked so hurt… so sad… I don’t want anyone to feel that way ever, and I am so thankful that everythings over now.

I am just in my sisters room, cause my sister is in my room- cause I couldn’t carry her all the way up to the second floor.

Whatever it is, I’m glad I got everything settled. And I swore just now that I would not sleep or rest till I get this sorted, and I did.

PFFFT. ANYWAY. I’m just so tired, haven’t slept one bit. I will now tho. So I guess it’s ttyl.

P.S: I’m sorry beannie (: Don’t worry, I’m fine. Just had to go through so much drama. BUT yeap yeap, it’s all good. So just wanted to say I did text you, and inbox-ed you. I WAS FREAKING OUT. OKAY. Well that’s about it (: xxx

Peace. R.

It’s been ages since I last blogged about my feelings and what not. Well I decided yet again, I should start writting.

Anyway, it’s like what? 9:50 pm now? I’m waiting for beeeeanniee to come over. So we can go see sylvia and carl. Along with his army of sluts.

OKAY WOW. This is like 4 hours after. We didn’t get to see sylvia cause she was at some… place in cup-age plaza hahahaha. She didn’t like it either. But she didn’t call me so I guess I just left it like that. Anyway Beannnieee came over and it was fun. we hung out and stuff. He was really tired tho… Poor thing.

yeah well overall i guess it was fun, we went to eat supper at newton and stuff. i just got home, and really have nothing to say. haha. i’m blank. sober. and tired. blah blah blah blah. (:

i need a shmoke.

peace. R.

“too much drama up in this fake hearted school.
[ the preps ; the goths ; the less-than-cool ]
where it starts && stops; who`s to define?
who`s to be trusted and where to draw the line.
screaming && crying && all the useless chatter.
you live, you die, only life is what matters.
filled with smiles, lies, and fears.
welcome to the magic of high school “

I miss you. I miss your smile, and I still shed a tear every once in awhile. 

And even though it’s different now, but you’re still here somehow.

My heart would let you go, and I need you to know,

I miss you. 

I miss all my closest friends. Those away and one that I lost. My friends are everything. 

“Don’t waste your time worrying
about relationships– boys and girls will come and go.
Don’t waste your time caring about
the people who don’t like you–
chances are you don’t like them
either. Don’t waste your time
worrying if people are talking about you– you affected their lives, they
didn’t affect yours. Waste your time
with friends– live for the moment,
laugh often, be immature, do
anything and everything,
If it’s
something you’ll regret in the
morning, sleep late & when you
wake up, laugh about it, because
your friends are what matter most.
When you have your friends…you
have everything.”

S. B. K. V. L. love you guys.

Hey Kid. You know who you are (: Haha well I don’t know why, Sarah’s here with me and we were just reading my blog. So we decided I should start posting again. Well this one’s dedicated to you, for all the things I’ve done wrong to you, for every hurt – I’m sorry and I give you a hug, a kiss to make everything better. There’s so many things I wanna say to you. To say I’m sorry, to tell you how much I want some ‘us’ time so we can catch up and to be honest. Like FLAT OUT HONEST. I want us to hang out, cause I just simply just miss it so much. I don’t wanna fight, I don’t wanna argue. I just don’t wanna get rejected every time. I mean I know your mood swings and all changes everything, but sometimes I just wish you can be like “yeah sure” . Anyway it’s not your fault how you feel, maybe I’m pushing too much, but you just have this aura- just like Sarah, it’s like everything will be alright type of thing, but you and Sarah are 2 different halves. So I need both sometimes. It’s comforting to be with you guys. I really like it. Also I’ve been thinking when we weren’t talking, we are total opposites… EVERYTHING ABOUT US is different. So many people question me, but my mom said that there has to be something that’s keeping us together. Nothing is breaking what we have. Just like Sarah and I. I am ever so glad I met you that day, you mean so much to me. Sarah you too okay? So don’t worry (: I love you guys to bits. You still have to prove that you’re gonna be taller then me, and not that default bullshit and that WHITE POWER NIGGER crap. Hahahaha. I love that about you, you make me laugh sometimes. I mean like I know you don’t smile or laugh much but when we do it’s comforting to see you smile once in awhile. Like that Yo Mama joke about the Wookie. Hahahahaha lol yeah that was funny. And I don’t wanna be the same old Ryan cause I made this New Year’s resolution that I should not be taking things for granted?  And learn to accept NO. Cause the last time you were mad at me, it hit me so hard. I just want us to be happy. As long as you’re happy. Cause I don’t want it to be a one way thing, no matter  if you want it to be or not. Unless you tell me you want to just stop. 

There’s so much more I wanna say, so many things I wanna share with you. Maybe you can come over next weekend. Like when you said “we’ll see” . We shall see then. I promise you this time it’s different. I want us to be happy, like Sarah and I. I know we can. Cause I know you love me. I love you. I love Sarah. Sarah loves me. And I’m sure she loves you too. You guys are truly 2 of a kind in my world. I can be myself. I don’t wanna upset you guys, and if I do in the future… I’m sorry. Friends who care fight. And in friendship, whoever fights the most and hardest just means that we’re very much alike. Don’t dismiss me you guys. You are my world. I still wanna see you skinny Sarah, and I want you to smile more where we can have noodles of crazy. 

I love you. Leandre and Sarah. My friends, My other halves, My comfort zones. Friend’s forever? 

We’ll see (: 

LOVE LOVE LOVE ,

R Y A N.

IT’S BEEN AGES OH EM GEE HAHAHA. Well I just had the epiphany that I should revive my blog? Haha cause I miss it. And pouring all my feelings out here so I can be the happy person I am hahaha. ANYWAII I just got my MC for like a week haha so I’m in the reading room on my MAC [: OHOH the new timetable is kinda better cause like we finish early and we don’t waste that much time roaming in school aimlessly. Haha. So we finish at like 2 ish. And I get too see Leandre more lol [: I can’t wait for the weekend and like the new term is starting good. My dad is happy lol and that means more allowance haha. nah, i’m just kidding. Well that’s prettymuch it.

PEACE, R x

Wheeee it’s Wednesday morning and I have no school [: Haha well part of me wants to be in school to see him but I’m too lazy haha. Oh yeah and Andesson is coming for to prepare for the Teenage Icon auditions with me. Yeah, we both enrolled in the competition. And the auditions are held next weekend at Cineleisure Kbox. So Bevvvvvyyy you HAVE to come ja? And you too lover [: I can’t wait, but I doubt I can make it even to the 3rd round hahaha. 

And yesterday I had a talk with Mark and I hope this summer after the exams I can hang out with them again. GOD I haven’t seen them in AGES. Clubbing, movies and late nights. It’s gonna be so awesome. So that’s coming [: Also, I’m waiting for KFC to open so I can ORDER HAHAHA. And no I’m NOT fat… Getting there tho LOL. Well not really, I hope not. 

And on the weekend I’m going over to Leandre’s and we might get our haircut with his madre. And TUNA [: Haha well I love Tuna. Ever since I had it in Beijing with Kailin. … I do miss her so much. She’s so busy and I hardly have anytime to hang out with her anymore. But I guess I have to wait it out and make the best of it before she leaves to England. Well I am joining her later on so hope that goes well [:  Think I’ll talk to her tonight and talk honest talk. It’s been so long. Well 15 minutes till I get to order [: PEOPLE BE JEALOUS. Haha [:

Love you K. And you too L. And you B. 

imissyou

PEACE 

RYAN

Mmh I just realized how my last few entries are retarded. Hahaha, their all like weird and drunk. LOL. Anyway Leandre did come over and stayed the night. It was the best [: We had EVERYTHING, from cigs to _ _ _ _. Yeah well that’s that lol. Now I’m at my dad’s waiting for dinner, cause it’s Mother’s Day. OH yeah, I wished sara this morning and we had like a short chat via texts, and that she has a package at Action and wanted to take me there again with Leandre. So yeah, am looking forward to that [: Also speaking of Sara, I haven’t spoken to Leandre today, well it is mother’s day and he wanted to spend the day with his mom. Meh, I’ll wait. 

I am watching Eragon AGAIN HAHA. It’s a good movie I think but everytime I watch it, I miss parts of it and have to watch the whole movie again. Like now lol. But T’is cool. WHHOPPP my dad just went for an hours jog, so that means… I CAN TAKE A CIGARETTE. haha GOD I haven’t had one since yesterday, wow addict much lol. But whatever hahaha. yeah well I’mma go finish my movie and a cig no [:

Love you A. Haha.

peace, RYAN

Leandre is sick ]: 

Hun get better soon yes? Then come and have an awesome time [: love you.

Well, it is 6 hours away and hope that he gets his rest and come over later… I’ve been looking forward to this the WHOLE WEEK. And so has he. So it sucks to know he might not be able to come later. well there’s nothing I can do can I? .. Now the whole Friday is gonna be long and draggy. UGH. I don’t even know what to do now. I mean it’s like 6 bloody hours away. And it’s so nerve wrecking. No mood to do anything. Sucks BIG FAT WHORE time. 

Peace

RYAN